How Do Dumb People Survive?

As a homeowner, I watch HGTV pretty often.  My husband and I are handy people and have successfully completed a lot of DIY projects and renovations ourselves, by planning, budgeting, compromising and seeing the value of hard work.  There is also a crazy concept of opening your mind and imagining possibilities.  Not to toot our own horn, but we bought our first house together, which was a fixer-upper and have made it into a comfortable and modern home.  We also aren’t in debt up to our eyeballs because of it.  We aren’t wealthy, but we get by, so it’s not out of bitterness that I ask this; why are wealthy people so stupid?

I see shows like House Hunters and people will say, “We have a budget of only $900,000.”  Only?  Are you serious?  Then I think, well, they must be pretty smart to have gotten that far ahead.  And then the show continues, followed by ridiculously stupid and naïve comments.

“I don’t want that first house because the kitchen was yellow and that’s ugly.”

 

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Such Odd Things to Be Grateful For

I fell asleep with my computer last night.  It was not quite romantic.  I did wake up in the middle of the night, however, with a great idea for a topic.  Supposedly.  I noted it on my phone, but it was so vague; “Grateful for odd things”.  Although, I am grateful for odd things, I think most people are.  It’s the simple things in life that really make a difference.  Although I don’t know what examples I may have had while I slept, I was able to coherently think of some of my own today.

And so, I give you, odd but significant things I am grateful for.

  • My husband isn’t a video game addict.  Hell, he doesn’t drink or gamble in excess or zone out into any sports on TV (that’s more me).  He does watch cartoons, but not if we’re home together, because we have a lot in common and that is not one of them.  Its not cartoons that bothers me, because I’ll watch Bugs Bunny or SpongeBob myself, but these cheesy Anime ones.  He watches them in fast forward too, which leads me to believe that are just as enjoyable as I think they are.  Regardless, I am grateful that he is unlike the many men I know our age who ignore the world around them, as they lose all reality to the outside world with controller in hand.  So, thank you honey.
  • My Aunt recently brought to my attention that I should be happy for my chubby cheeks.  “Look at Sally Field.”, she says, “She’s got fat and cologen in her face because of her cheeks and she’ll never look hallowed out.”  Of course, she continued with things what sounded like back-handed compliments, but I realized she was right.  Not only will my cheeks be beneficial as I age, they give my friends great humor.  My cheeks were (ok, are) big enough that when I smile, they push up my eyes quite a bit.  Although I’m of Irish/German descent, they often claim I’m in fact Asian.  This doesn’t bother me because it is not offensive, but simply odd.  Regardless, I’m grateful to you, chubby cheeks.
  • I’ve always been on the thin or appropriate weight for my height.  I also have a stomach that is very picky.  I hate that.  But, it is the reason that I don’t eat unhealthy or unnatural things.  Thus, I keep my figure.  I think it’s a good idea to turn every annoying negative into a positive.  It also saves us money because we don’t buy take-out very often, so well done finicky stomach!
  • I’m just shy of 5’9, but I have small feet.  Sometimes I am as small as a 7 shoe, but mainly 7 ½.  I feel gangly as it is; have long legs, long arms and a long torso, so this makes me feel that I’m petite in some way.  And I’m grateful for that.  Although, I do believe it aids in my klutziness.  We are convinced that my feet are not big enough to keep me sturdy, which is why I topple.  This is not medically or scientifically based, but it seems good enough of a reason to me.

I am grateful for so many “real” things, and some of these are really just silly.  But I imagine one day, if these all didn’t collide (cue time travel music); I could look like a skeleton droopy face with big feet, obese and married to a World of Warcraft addict.  Ah, but now everything will be perfect.

This is probably my most bizarre post.  Bear with me, it’s been a long week.

Seinfeld is Still Relevant

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Seinfeld is still current, despite the fact that it officially ended almost 14 years ago, don’t you think?  I think there is probably at least one occasion a day that something happens, which is immediately followed by, “That’s like on that Seinfeld episode when….”

  • Kramer has that idea to open a “Make Your Own Pizza” shop
  • George fought all day for a parking spot on principle
  • George had to erase that embarrassing message off that answering machine
  • that guy in Elaine’s office was hard of hearing, or was he?  Or the germophobe was afraid of her because she was promiscuous
  • that girl had a “Tractor Story”
  • the brain played chess with the…you know, a certain male bodypart

Ok, so maybe these aren’t the most obvious choices to you, but I challenge you to make some comparisons as you go about your daily routine.

I was reminded of the episode where Elaine is supposed to call her friend to console her and she chooses moments when she’s on the move or distracted, on a “mobile” phone and not really giving her time the attention she deserves.  She spends the whole episode trying to get ahold of her while Jerry tells her how rude it is to make calls like that on the go.  Whoops.  Either times are different now or everyone I know is a jerk.

Even on the comedy Sirius stations, I’ll hear Jerry now and then and his stand-up still holds true.  His puns are so obvious and simple, but always coming from a valid observation.  Only now, I can picture a little bumble bee telling jokes instead of Jerry himself.  The high pitched squealing excitement that sounds slightly panicked at all times.

Do you think he relays his day in the same way when he goes home and talks to his wife?

“You’ll never believe this, the guy, down the hallway, he thinks he can walk past me and just nod without saying hello?  Well I’ll show him, next time we get on the elevator, I’m going to push all the buttons and make he talk to me.  Helllllloooo, la la la.”

Maybe he has a little laugh track app on his phone to follow up his little daily puns or observations when he walks around his home.  He seems like he might be cheesy like that.  I also imagine him to be pretty OCD, keeping his cereal boxes in alphabetical order.

Seinfeld was one of those things that any age could relate to, because the humor was pretty universal but put in odd character situations and usually embarrassing ones.  The routine always went full circle, so it was impossible to get lost and who doesn’t like goofy keyboard music?  My 97 year old Great-Grandmom and I used to watch it together and laugh.  “Oh, that George” she’d say.  I suppose we are avid fans.  My husband went far enough to make a festivus pole for laughs last year.  Grandmom insists it’s a stripper pole.

Thank goodness for syndication.

Nothing has really come close to it since.