My Life is Like My Eyebrows

As I got ready to leave the house the other day, I did a quick check in the mirror.

“Geez, when is the last time I plucked my eyebrows?”

They’re horrendous.  There is barely even evidence that two exist.

I started thinking about how often this happens.  I realized how many correlations there are between my eyebrows and my life.  These aren’t exactly highlights of my existence, but it’s the truth none the less.

  • I neglect my eyebrows until they are so horrible, that I need to spend thirty minutes to pluck and fix them up, only to repeat the cycle all over again later; no matter how many times I promise myself that I won’t wait so long next time.  I take care of everything in my life timely and appropriately, but myself.  I neglect myself like I neglect my eyebrows, putting us both off and taking care of others until it’s so obvious that I need some personal attention that I become my own hassle to fix.  It’s painful.  For both of us.
  • My eyebrows are naturally pretty wild.  Wild doesn’t fit well in most of the environments I find myself in, so my eyebrows and I fix ourselves up to fit in.  We trim up; conform to get ourselves in shape.  Who said a unibrow isn’t sexy anyway?  I bet French women could pull it off.  Who said two was fashionable?  I kid, of course.
  • Thick.  No matter how thin I’ve ever been, no matter how much I wished for my Mom’s eyebrows instead of my Dad’s, my eyebrows and I are thick.  My Mom told me that she plucked her eyebrows when she was twelve and they stayed that way, she never had to touch them again.  I might as well have caterpillars above my eyes.  And even at 120 pounds, I was dense, just never quite light as a feather.
  • Dark.  I’m pretty positive, and I produce optimistic outlooks for almost every situation typically, but I also think there’s a dark side.  My eyebrows and I are dark.  Sure we lighten up when it’s bright and sunny, but we know that deep down, we’re a little different and sometimes I think things I shouldn’t.  Nothing illegal, but definitely embarrassing.
  • Long.  I see girls with cute little eyebrows, made up of short little feathery hairs.  We’ve already determined that my eyebrows and I are thick, but we are also long.  Long limbs, long eyebrow hairs.  Part of what makes keeping the brows and I in shape, is dealing with the awkward combination of our qualities.  Sure, trim a little here, trim a little there, and then pluck.  Sounds simple.  Not so.  Every time I pick a hair to go, I have to think, “If this hair goes, will a little bald spot be left behind?”  Being long limbed and having these long eyebrow hairs is awkward.  Nothing quite fits and the slightest wrong movement and I look like a goofy and ungroomed idiot.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure the brows have good qualities, as I know I do but every now and then, who doesn’t need a critical evaluation?  If I can figure out a way to maintain consistent care, instead of “all or nothing”, we’d be a happy pair.  Yes, that’s a joke, a pair of eyebrows instead of one.  Did I tell you my eyebrows also can’t tell jokes?  Funny, neither can I.

Picture courtesy of http://www.televisionwithoutpity.com/