My Ipod Reads My Mind

Boy am I behind.

I spent the last two days pursuing a dream of mine, at least pursuing a possibility; that I could turn years of dreaming into a paying career opportunity.  So I have neglected my posting for a couple days. I have no idea what the future holds, but I do know that I’m looking for inspiration from every possible crevice in my life at the moment. And hope.

After working on the computer through the night, I took a shower alongside my trusty iPod speaker:

  1. To redirect my thought process, from undue worry to anything else
  2. To find inspiration on what to write about today
  3. Shower dancing – the only exercise I’m getting since I’m on the computer at work and then again when I get home

I realize my iPod is full of the music I handpicked, so I am likely to find things I like most of the time. I should be able to say “all the time”, but I have those random albums that I have on my iTunes that I don’t necessarily enjoy, I simply feel as though I should have them. Who am I trying to impress anyway? Will a Rolling Stone editor review my playlists one day and judge me for not having all of Bob Dylan’s albums?  No, and I only truly enjoy a handful of his songs, so I should just uncheck the rest of them, sync and move on.

Getting back on track, I took my shower and put the iPod on shuffle.  Songs jog all sorts of thought and I had hoped to find something to give my tired mind some mental peace.  What I found was countless songs that seemed to speak to my hopefulness.  It seemed every song was speaking to me about making a change or finding solace in knowing things were on an upswing.  I’m certainly not down in the dumps, but I’m at a point where things need to change and I need to utilize my talents.  It’s terrible to feel like life is being wasted, when I know I have so much more to offer and give.

I was kind of stunned that my Ipod was reading my mood.  I realize there are genius settings that select certain types of music and playlists, but it hasn’t been the first time that I found the sounds I needed without scrolling through.  Maybe I’m crazy.  Maybe I’m reading too deeply into one of my best friends, a hunk of metal that is the size of a deck of cards.  It doesn’t even remember my birthday, but it does supply me with hours of happiness.

And don’t worry; it’s really not my best friend.  But we are inseparable.

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It’s Ash Wednesday, So I’m Catholic

Today is Ash Wednesday, so I feel guilty.  No, I feel guilty because I’m Catholic.  Well, yes, but technically, I feel guilty because I’m Catholic, it’s Ash Wednesday and the last time I went to Church was…yeah, I’m not sure.  Can this count as confession? Well, because I haven’t done that in a few years either.

I actually consider myself a religious person because I do pray outside of traditional places of worship.  I do have faith.  I also have a Bible in my nightstand drawer.  I know what you’re thinking; so do cheap motels.  This is true; I forgot to tell you I live in one of those too.  I’m kidding, but now I feel guilty for lying to you too.  Will this day never end?!

I do pray though and I’m also attempting to refrain from adding the “God” part to the beginning of “Damn it!”.  I feel like the phrase hurls itself from my lips each time I try to attempt moving anything with my hands, as my klutzy nature presents itself quite often.  In regards to faith though, I think I have spirituality, but I also don’t live by a lot of the Church rules.  I’m not sure if that is supposed to negate my Catholicism but I don’t mean anything personal to God or the Catholic religion as a whole.  I’d like to think that since forgiveness is a key element in religion, the Pope would give me 10 Hail Mary’s for my lack of physical attendance to Church and not send me H-E-double hockey sticks.

We live in a predominantly Catholic region and there are several Churches in our area.  I googled them and picked one to get my Ashes this evening.  I grew up fairly close, but I don’t have a connection to the Churches I’ve attended as a child, as many things have changed over time.  But as a typical Catholic, I picked one with a full mass so it counts as my “dues” for the week too.  Although I’m a bit rebellious and I don’t like being told what to do, I went because I felt like I wanted to tonight.  I also felt refreshed that the Priest did not give a spiel about how the congregation was full of people who only partake in religion on Holy Days.  Instead, he spoke about the meaning of Lent and admitted some personal faults of his own, and how he has decided to take Lent as an opportunity to better himself and treat others as a Christian should.  He spoke as one of the people, relatable.

Even better, I also got to finally workout tonight; lunge (aka genuflect), sit, stand, kneel, stand, shake, kneel, take a lap, kneel, stand, etc.

In all honestly though, I would be interested in incorporating religious activity into my life, even if it isn’t based on my Catholic background, but just as long as there is some sort of genuine connection felt.   Whether I actually attended the mass or not, I am glad that I took a moment to reflect on the start of Lent and I’m taking good things from this moving forward.  I won’t attempt to promise I’ll attend regularly, because I don’t know that I will, even if my intentions are good; but I will continue to be the best person I can be and that’s definitely something I won’t feel guilty about.

Picture courtesy of tipakan.com