Are you there God? It’s mae, Mae.

I read a post this week from a blogger that I’ve come to appreciate.  His insight is often wise when he delves into his deepest thoughts on life.  The topic of this post isn’t something I hadn’t considered before, but it was simply so well put that I marked it as “important” to read again later.  I don’t usually have time to do anything more than once.

Sometimes I just roll with the punches.  Sometimes life pulls at my heartstrings.  Maybe today it was a combination of Paolo Nutini’s “Candy” backing the simplicity of what Tony had to say.  These are not complimentary by any means, but the sound of longing accompanying his depth affected me.  I felt so out of sorts and so complete all at once.  I’m a Gemini, what can I say.

It’s so easy to say that life is out of our hands.  It’s so simple that it makes life complex.  Try as you might, not everything is within our grasp.  Life can’t be forced and although there are paths we choose, there are often detours we’re forced to wander.  Maybe wander isn’t the right word.  Sometimes we’re dragged unwillingly and sometimes it leads to a glorious adventure.

I am religious in my heart, but the concept of accepting things we can’t control is so much harder than it seems.  It’s easy for me to tell my friends that “everything happens for a reason”, but so much harder to accept.  It seems that even when we do everything exactly the way we’re supposed to, the end result isn’t always what we wanted.  Can we ever have remorse for that, or do we always have to find our purpose in what we end up with?  I know.  The answer is find purpose.  Sometimes I don’t feel like it.

This is very vague, I know.  What is plaguing Mae’s mind?  Years of hoping for something that maybe shouldn’t be forced.  Maybe being a mom isn’t my path.  Maybe I should book that trip to Scotland.  Maybe only God knows what I should be doing.  Maybe He knows I’m not ready yet.  I guess if anyone knows, it’s He/She.

Don’t worry.  This isn’t going to be a fertility blog.  I have too many joys in life to dwell over what hasn’t happened, and too much living to do in the meantime.  Let’s leave it at that, shall we?  God knows I don’t need anyone to pity me.  The world has enough tragedy to concern itself with.  And I have enough family to play the “any news?” game.

Though this may border the edge of depressing, I feel surprisingly refreshed.  I feel like faith is just what I needed to remember, along with a reminder from Tony’s blog.

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