I’ve written over the last few months about changing gears. I’ve written somewhat whiney posts about the purpose of life and how to achieve a balance between success and living. The ideas I had a few months back have changed. I no longer have the plan I had set in place, because my gut instinct told me it was the wrong path. Still, I know I’ll find what I need to. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that if I live life by giving, learning and not conceding to the easy route, that I’ll find the success I need to find professionally, to feed my soul.
I have so much to be grateful for in my life and I’d really like to amplify that happiness outwardly. I miss giving to others, I miss feeling pride in what I do. Even though I don’t know which path I’ll take, I know that I’ll try the hardest I can along the route. I know that I have the support of my husband and my Mom. I also know that I’ll be judged by people who don’t understand. I’m learning to accept that. I grew up watching my parents seek approval of others. It’s a trait I learned and one that I’d like to lose.
I’ve spent the last couple years angry; not at home, not with my husband or with my friends. But for fifty hours a week, I felt mad, beaten down, anxious and resentful. I’ve made decent money and forfeited happiness. I’ve felt awkward and out of place. I didn’t realize until recently how much my job has affected my character. I’ve been feeling defeated, unsuccessful and not like the same Shannon who walked into that building two and a half years ago. I let egos, hostile co-workers and cold people affect how I felt about myself.
I’m leaving. I’d rather give up the money and find myself again than let my mental state be affected this way anymore. I need real people again. I’d rather spend my time helping others for free than facilitating egos for money. This isn’t a long term agenda, but it’s a start. Something good will come of this. More than anything, I’m grateful that I have a man beside me that not only supports me, but believes in me. I can’t ask for more than that, and I just hope I never let him down. I won’t.
Photo courtesy of Business News Daily.