Moving On and Finding Mae

I’ve written over the last few months about changing gears.  I’ve written somewhat whiney posts about the purpose of life and how to achieve a balance between success and living.   The ideas I had a few months back have changed.  I no longer have the plan I had set in place, because my gut instinct told me it was the wrong path.  Still, I know I’ll find what I need to.  I don’t know what the future holds, but I know that if I live life by giving, learning and not conceding to the easy route, that I’ll find the success I need to find professionally, to feed my soul.

I have so much to be grateful for in my life and I’d really like to amplify that happiness outwardly.  I miss giving to others, I miss feeling pride in what I do.  Even though I don’t know which path I’ll take, I know that I’ll try the hardest I can along the route.  I know that I have the support of my husband and my Mom.  I also know that I’ll be judged by people who don’t understand.  I’m learning to accept that.  I grew up watching my parents seek approval of others.  It’s a trait I learned and one that I’d like to lose.

I’ve spent the last couple years angry; not at home, not with my husband or with my friends.  But for fifty hours a week, I felt mad, beaten down, anxious and resentful.  I’ve made decent money and forfeited happiness.  I’ve felt awkward and out of place.  I didn’t realize until recently how much my job has affected my character.  I’ve been feeling defeated, unsuccessful and not like the same Shannon who walked into that building two and a half years ago.  I let egos, hostile co-workers and cold people affect how I felt about myself.

I’m leaving.  I’d rather give up the money and find myself again than let my mental state be affected this way anymore.  I need real people again.  I’d rather spend my time helping others for free than facilitating egos for money.  This isn’t a long term agenda, but it’s a start.  Something good will come of this.  More than anything, I’m grateful that I have a man beside me that not only supports me, but believes in me.  I can’t ask for more than that, and I just hope I never let him down.  I won’t.

Photo courtesy of Business News Daily.

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4 thoughts on “Moving On and Finding Mae

    • For someone without professional success, I cannot answer…but when I get it, I will let you know!
      I suppose up to now, I’ve worked to live and not enjoyed that process. I know I’m not alone, because not everyone is luckily enough to have the chance to be choosey. Living is what came after I clocked out. My goal is to continue working on creating a career that I can enjoy, so there isn’t a need for a balance…just a matter of price and happiness. Does that make sense?

      • Or should I say *pride, not price.
        I really need to remember to proofread my comments…
        Thank you for stopping by and taking the time to write me.

      • It does. I’m fortunate that when I was 11 and my wise old grandmother was helping me set up a writing/researching/typing business for college students, she told me, “When you find a job that you enjoy, so much so that you’re willing to work 24/7, dream about, and sometimes do yoru work for free, you’ll know that you’ve found a career.” She was right.

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