How Do I Become A Girlfriend?

Growing up in a neighborhood of boys, I only played with Barbies in private, unless they were invited to a GI Joe game and they needed a nurse doll present.  I was an only child till I was eight and I was fascinated with so many things.  My parents never led me to understand what was meant for boys or girls because I think they wanted me to experience childhood the way they both had.

I didn’t really have girlfriends until I started grade school.  Still, I played ballerina or Paula Abdul (don’t ask) with the girls and then army or Pogs with the boys.  As I got older, I found girls like me.  My best friends in high school were not girlie.  They could play rough with the boys but dress pretty for prom too.  We were a perfect fit.  We still are, except out of the group of girls I cherish the most, we are scattered amongst four states in separate geographically regions of the United States.

I’ve been hopelessly awkward since I began college.  I left home and found myself having to start from scratch.  Southern California does not give an East Coast girl the same kind of welcome a surfer girl gets, particularly when she shows up with dark spikey hair and band pins all over her purses; at least back then it didn’t.  I’d meet people here and there, do a lunch or two and never really bonded with people my age.  The old soul in me met women quite a bit older that I bonded with, but I’ve been left hopelessly unsure of how to act around girls/women my age.

“Let’s go shopping” brings on dread.  What do I do?  Do I wander and look at stuff I want to see or do I follow them around and comment on their choices?  What if I want to go into a store and they don’t?  Do we get lunch?  Can I talk about how the boots won’t fit my legs or is that too soon?  How long do we do this for?  I usually shop like a boy; enter the store with a mission, set my sights on the prize and get out, solo.

I thought if I watched a lot of girlie shows or movies, I’d be less awkward.  Sex and City well, they talk about sex all the time and that’s not usually the first opening when developing a friendship.  (No pun intended.)  Still, I’m learning.  There are actually women who say we should go out and instead of saying “no” and fearing my awkward and unsure ways, I’ve started to say “yes” and fumble my way through it.  There’s hope yet, and regardless of what happens, when my girls come home, I know I’ll be ok.

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2 thoughts on “How Do I Become A Girlfriend?

  1. Same problem down here in Mexico. The women I feel closest to are those who are involved in the same things I care about: music and rescuing dogs. But I wouldn’t call them really close friends, it’s just that we have something to discuss besides medical issues, our husbands and other complaints. I enjoy shopping with other women unless they get pushy (“Oh, it’s YOU, you gotta buy it!”) but I only do that occasionally when I have lots of time and we end up at lunch. I’ve known women who act like close friends but they invariably beg off dates at the last minute. What’s up with that? Why do they bother?

    I have to admit the most fun I’ve had with women was when a couple of bottles of wine were part of the mix — maybe we all need that social lubricant. We started a cooking club three years ago and had great times cooking up feasts in various kitchens, until one member made off with one of the other members’ husbands. Oops!

    We all fumble our way through the first few contacts we have with new friends. All I can say is, it’s worth it, if you have something in common besides being female. If a get-together consists of complaining, vicious gossiping or flaunting possessions in an attempt to arouse envy, it’s a waste of time.

    • At first I was encouraged to make more girlfriends, until the one woman slept with the other’s husband!

      Did you ever notice that making girlfriends is kind of like dating? It’s hard finding the right one that clicks and then there’s a “I hope she likes me” feeling. Maybe it’s just me but making friends as an adult is much different then being a kid at the playground. Maybe I’m over analyzing it and it’s just the same. Still I agree with what type of women to stay away from, toxic relationships are worse than no relationships at all.

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