Marriage: Better Than the Wedding

With the first anniversary of Will and Kate’s Royal wedding just behind us, I started thinking about our own wedding.

Ugh.

Here is the vital information to gather from this post:  I’m happier with my marriage than I am with our wedding.  I’m learning to be ok with this because ultimately, that is all that matters.  Yet there is evidence that remains, in the form of wedding pictures and they haunt me.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I still have buried resentments and hostile feelings about the wedding and the time leading up to it as well.  There were lovely people who took part and wonderful moments that I’ll never forget, but there were also selfish people and such petty behavior that can really put a damper on what is supposed to be the happiest day in one’s life.

First of all, I’m glad to say that wasn’t the happiest day of my life and I’ve had many outstanding days since, but unfortunately this one costs a lot and creates a hassle for so many people.  If I could do it all again, I wouldn’t; not that way anyway.  The thought of having a wedding makes me squeamish.  If I could, I’d have eloped or I’d have paid for our parents to join us far away or even not far away.  I would have said “screw you” to every nitwit who made our lives difficult and would have taken more time to be grateful for the people who took their love for us and the joy of our wedding more seriously.

I would have taken more responsibility to recognize who matters and who doesn’t, and acted accordingly.  And I would’ve moved the wedding from the west coast to the east coast so my Grandmom could’ve been there.

If you’re reading this and you’ve yet to be married, I cannot stress enough; do what you both want.  We did but it wasn’t easy.  Do not try to people-please and do not let people spoil the moments that mean something to you.  Do not let them take anything precious from a moment that sincere people are happy to spend with you.

And do not let the Church cram your Dad’s girlfriend into the pew next to your Mom, where she can’t get pictures and enjoy a good view of her only daughter’s nuptials.

Though I’m sure it doesn’t sound like it, I have gotten over quite a bit of my aggression and I’ve learned to forgive but I just simply won’t forget.  I realize the “what ifs” and regrets are pointless.  I’ve even developed relationships with the people who hurt me and I’m able to look past what I consider to be their mistakes because in the end, regardless of what that one day meant, we are happy and no one can take that away from us.

Gee Shan, thanks for delving that all up.  Try to push out the memory of children throwing Bibles in the Church while their parents laughed because they are “cute”, as the Church planner and your family gaped in horror.  Forget the bullying when our decisions didn’t meet the expectations of others.

By the way, if you have a choice, and you should because you’re paying for it, for God’s sake, make a “do not play” list.  Unless you really enjoy the Chicken Dance or the Macarena, do yourself that favor.  That was one of the best moves we made; that and getting out of the country for a couple weeks after the wedding.  Those days…were some of the best days of my life.

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7 thoughts on “Marriage: Better Than the Wedding

  1. Having just returned a couple of hours ago from my son’s wedding in CA, I can also relate. They blew some $10K on a single day’s event. The dress is just a hand-me-down now, going next to a cousin. There were a number of disappointments, everything cost more than it needed to (the DJ demanded a 10% tip two days before the event, when they couldn’t have found someone else, effectively boosting his rate by 10%). Everyone seemed to be working hard at looking as though they were having a wonderful time, as if in acknowledgement that all the money spent needed to be justified. And of course every significant moment had to be immortalized in a photo, even if it meant re-enacting it for the best poses. It was as though we were putting on a play for ourselves at great cost to the producer, with inadequate stage management. They had been talking about buying a house, but they’ve now set themselves back $10K on the down payment. Needless to say, the day afterward everyone looked a little sad, as though they were asking themselves, “Is this all there is?” And the bride had already done it before! There were some nice presents, but nothing worth what it cost them in money and stress.

    My own wedding was pretty much of a joke, too, but at least it didn’t cost anything. The minister showed up an hour late and drunk, I hated my dress, I said my vows squinting into bright sun, I had cramps and afterward we just went home and took a nap.

    By the way, you looked beautiful in your photo.

    • Bliss,
      I can’t agree with your observations more. I feel so negative admitting it, but the whole “process” of weddings take so much away from what the celebration is. It’s so much work and money and trying hard to make sure everything that is supposed to happen, happens.

      Your wedding, though it had its moments, sounds quite refreshing and makes me envious. I suppose some people feel they need to go big, and in my case, even though we didn’t go big, it somehow ends up that way nowadays. Still, I hope you did enjoy your son’s wedding, and more importantly that he did too.

      It’s just one thing I’m glad I have behind me and now I can just go on with living, knowing that if I didn’t do the wedding right, I at least found the right husband.

      Hope all is well with you and the gigs!

  2. So true…wedding planning sniffed monkey turds. I could have passed on most of our 15 month engagement, to be honest. If I had had my way we would have been engaged less than 6 months and our wedding would not have fallen prey to so much of the commercial BS and the mentality that everything has to be perfect. Heaven forbid you make a mistake picking candles for the centerpiece, or don’t get the best possible chocolate covered almonds for your favors.

    By the time our wedding day arrived, my wife and I felt like we had beta tested every possible option for every possible detail. The only thing we didn’t have to fuss about were the wedding programs because our priest took care of them as his wedding gift to us, and we new he’d do a great job.

    Oh and guess what? No amount of planning will make everything go smoothly. On our wedding day, the limo broke down. No joke. We had a great place picked out to take pictures between the ceremony and the reception, but we sure didn’t make it. And honestly, the limo breaking down was one of my favorite parts about the day. How authentic! How not contrived!

    • I know it’s not shocking but I couldn’t agree more with you.
      The planning is such a hassle and no one is ever going to be happy with what the couple decides anyway. I’m not sure why as a society, we’ve allowed weddings to get so extreme or demanding; it’s beyond ridiculous what people “must” have or do. I suppose everyone feels to need to experience it themselves, we did. I’m sure people tried to give you the same advice that you’d now give others, but it’s one thing to live through it.

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