Today is Ash Wednesday, so I feel guilty. No, I feel guilty because I’m Catholic. Well, yes, but technically, I feel guilty because I’m Catholic, it’s Ash Wednesday and the last time I went to Church was…yeah, I’m not sure. Can this count as confession? Well, because I haven’t done that in a few years either.
I actually consider myself a religious person because I do pray outside of traditional places of worship. I do have faith. I also have a Bible in my nightstand drawer. I know what you’re thinking; so do cheap motels. This is true; I forgot to tell you I live in one of those too. I’m kidding, but now I feel guilty for lying to you too. Will this day never end?!
I do pray though and I’m also attempting to refrain from adding the “God” part to the beginning of “Damn it!”. I feel like the phrase hurls itself from my lips each time I try to attempt moving anything with my hands, as my klutzy nature presents itself quite often. In regards to faith though, I think I have spirituality, but I also don’t live by a lot of the Church rules. I’m not sure if that is supposed to negate my Catholicism but I don’t mean anything personal to God or the Catholic religion as a whole. I’d like to think that since forgiveness is a key element in religion, the Pope would give me 10 Hail Mary’s for my lack of physical attendance to Church and not send me H-E-double hockey sticks.
We live in a predominantly Catholic region and there are several Churches in our area. I googled them and picked one to get my Ashes this evening. I grew up fairly close, but I don’t have a connection to the Churches I’ve attended as a child, as many things have changed over time. But as a typical Catholic, I picked one with a full mass so it counts as my “dues” for the week too. Although I’m a bit rebellious and I don’t like being told what to do, I went because I felt like I wanted to tonight. I also felt refreshed that the Priest did not give a spiel about how the congregation was full of people who only partake in religion on Holy Days. Instead, he spoke about the meaning of Lent and admitted some personal faults of his own, and how he has decided to take Lent as an opportunity to better himself and treat others as a Christian should. He spoke as one of the people, relatable.
Even better, I also got to finally workout tonight; lunge (aka genuflect), sit, stand, kneel, stand, shake, kneel, take a lap, kneel, stand, etc.
In all honestly though, I would be interested in incorporating religious activity into my life, even if it isn’t based on my Catholic background, but just as long as there is some sort of genuine connection felt. Whether I actually attended the mass or not, I am glad that I took a moment to reflect on the start of Lent and I’m taking good things from this moving forward. I won’t attempt to promise I’ll attend regularly, because I don’t know that I will, even if my intentions are good; but I will continue to be the best person I can be and that’s definitely something I won’t feel guilty about.
Picture courtesy of tipakan.com